Rainy Days and...Wednesdays!

What is that song...rainy days and Mondays always get me down. I think that is the way it goes. Anyway, yes, it is pouring rain out there and my day off after seven days of stress at work. I had dreams of laying out on the deck for part of the day in the warm sunshine but instead it is turning out to be more like a Fall day, getting ready to turn cold! Things just don't seem to turn out the way you want. Yes, it's my selfishness reigning it's head once again. I have a strong tendency to want my quiet time and if I don't get it, I go into a raging maniac. Well, I do get to be very grumpy and the deck is pretty much the only place around my house that I can get quiet time throughout the day. My house is very small and no personal space at all. This is why I don't like winter. Stuck inside with no place to go.

I am really tired of being grumpy. Seems like things are always working against me at times. I look at everything pessimistically. I am grumpy cause people call in sick 4 out of the 5 days they are supposed to work but then I have to be there every day I am scheduled! I am grumpy cause I can't seem to complete any externship cause I work FT and have no money to pay for that or any other class I want to take. I am grumpy cause hubby FINALLY got a job and started Monday but they have already let him have a day off today...my day off! Why am I grumpy about this? Because I am a very traditional person so I want him to be out working and I want to be the one that is home doing the things I need to do. Not that I don't mind working but I seriously find it crazy for me to be the one working FT and having maintain the health insurance and still having to take care of the house and everything else. Makes for tons of stress! Men are not made to be home. I like God's way...men working, women taking care of kids and home. But yes, I know that things are just not that way anymore with the whole economy thing. It doesn't mean that I am not thankful that I have a job and health coverage. Just means that I find it difficult to like it.

Crazy times it is. Okay, so i admit it...I am struggling lately. Struggling with pretty much everything. And it makes me feel so bad that I am cause other people are struggling with so much more than I am. Homelessness, losing loved ones...far worse than me. I am so tired of being grumpy. But I know that even if people think I am silly and stupid for struggling with all these things in my life...and believe me, I had had some flak on how I feel about these issues...I do know that God knows how I feel and he will not give me flak about these feelings I am having. That is the cool part about having complete faith in the Lord. At least I can talk to Him any time and anywhere and He will listen. Sometimes that is all I can do...pray and cry.

So, I am sorry for venting on a rainy Wednesday but sometimes blogging about a particular subject can open your eyes. Thanks for listening! Hope everyone has a great day, me included!

Let's Talk...about the Jonas Brothers!

I know...I know...I am way too old to be blogging about 3 young guys that happen to be the hottest band in the world right now. Let's just start from the beginning of my Jonas journey with my daughter. She watched alot of the Disney channel and we started seeing these 3 boys doing music videos once in a while. Cassidy decided that she liked these curly haired boys. I didn't really pay much attention to them until she really started liking them and wanting to listen to their music. That is when you get into this Mom mode and check them out. I did some research on the internet to find out that their Dad is a former Pastor, they write their own music, and they also wear purity rings without caring what they rest of the world thinks. Wow! They have worked and are friends with Michael W. Smith, who I also love. So, I decided that I approve of my daughter loving these cute boys from Jersey. Of course, she made me watch all those youtube videos from their concerts, all the award shows they were on and made me listen to their second CD. All of a sudden, I found that I was falling for them, too. Okay, not her kind of falling in love with them but these guys are something that I can share with my daughter. It is fun to get excited with her and go to concerts with.

Most people think I am crazy for loving Kevin, Joe and Nick (okay, I call them by their first names...oh and I also know the band members by first names and family members...LOL). They just don't "get it" but there are a few of us Moms that I have met just by our love of the Jonas Brothers as something that we can share with our daughters and feel good about it. Cassidy and I just went to our second JB concert this past Sunday. We almost didn't make it with Amanda passing away recently and some other issues going on but we did and I had such a good time. I got to spend some quality time with my daughter and got to "rock out" to some good music. I cried through half of it. How could I cry at a JB concert you ask? Well, if you know anything about these guys, you should know that Nick gives his speech during a song he wrote about his struggle with type 1 diabetes. He gets emotional during this time and so does most of the fans. I cried right away because of his sturggles but I also cried thinking about Amanda and how she would have loved to be there and I started missing her so much. I also cried later because we almost missed this fun and I cried because Cassidy was there with me and I cried because I was proud of these boys' accomplishments and I cried when Joe got all emotional. Okay...it was a weird night. I had all these emotions going on that just came out. I was happy, sad, proud, tired and energetic all in one night. I just came to the conclusion that these guys just make me happy! I have absolutely no idea how they do it but they do. I don't think any other band could come onstage and make me feel this way. Oh, shout out to Honor Society and Jordin Sparks because they were the opening acts and I love them so much, too. But the minute JB got on...I was all theirs! LOL How can this be? A Mom that knows all their songs and can enjoy every minute of their concert? I don't get it myself. But I strongly think that God is using them in a special way. I am not sure if they have any idea the impact that they have on people. They are not just some teeny bopper band.

Here are some points that I want to make about them. They travel with their family, Mom, Dad and little brother Frankie. They have been raised to respect others and to have family values. They have been raised with faith in God and continue to rely on Him as they are on the road. They pray before concerts and have their own Bible studies. Their band is awesome. They are known as gentlemen amongst the music industry. They are very fan friendly and do whatever they can to meet and make their fans happy. They appreciate their fans so much. In fact, sometimes they even get emotional during their concerts. They are certainly not perfect and may make mistakes just like all of us. They have their own charity called Change for the Children and especially focuses on Diabetes research. There is so much more that I could say about them but by now I am sure you are thinking that I am a bit crazy. You know how you can say...it's a God thing? I know I do alot. But I can also say...it's a JB thing, too. You just have to experience it for yourself to know what it's like. And I suppose that it all starts with having a teenage girl that loves them, too. I know that I have gotten razzed at work for loving them so much. I have tried to explain it all to them but again...they don't get it. That's okay but they are sure missing out on some good times. If I ever get the opportunity to meet them personally, I would have to say thank you for all they do. My prayers are with them daily because what a struggle it must be to keep true to yourselves and to God in the world that they are in. So, this is why I as a Mom support the Jonas Brothers and will continue to do so.

I have made some friendships with other Moms that share in this Jonas experience. We have shared many concert stories but also have shared our lives with each other. Our struggles, concerns and happiness with each other. Another reason to thank the Jonas Brothers! Funny how the Lord works, eh? So, this is what the Jonas Brothers are to me. Their whole family has touched my life. Kevin and Denise Jonas has raised some awesome boys and should be so proud of the way they turned out as a result of their upbringing. Raising your kids with values and the love of the Lord is what it's all about as Christian parents. One day I want to just sit and chat with them about life.

So...onward with our Jonas journey. I am happy to be on this journey with them. They are living their dream as most of us would love to be doing. But most importantly, they are inpirations. Even their band members are doing it. Check out Christa Black's blogs to help young girls in their struggles in life. Everyone in their own way can be an inspiration to each other. Look at how Amanda was? How could she have known just how many people she has touched when her life was cut short by cancer? Thanks for letting me share the Jonas Brothers with you. It has been a very cool journey so far!

Kim

In the Arms of Jesus

The day after I wrote the last blog, on July 8, 2009, the Lord decided that it was time to take Amanda to be with him for eternity. She is now cancer free, pain free and amongst a whole host of angels that were singing praises as she entered the gates of Heaven. It is a strange thing to imagine what it will be like to take that journey. I guess it goes to show you that we all need to be ready to take it because you just never know. Amanda's journey is over but she leaves behind her a legacy of strength, faith and love in her short 14 years on this earth. She leaves behind her family and friends that will miss her so much. Our hearts are breaking. We may cry out for understanding, we may get angry for a bit, we may cry our eyes out. This is all a natural process when it comes to grieving a loved one. I have heard it said that we should never question what God does but I say why shouldn't we? I think that if we cry out to God and ask Him why, we are seeking Him, we are communicating with Him, we are seeking the truth and in return, He will give peace that passes all understanding. now, it may not be an instant thing but He hears us and truly understands our pain and our emotions that come from something like this or whatever someone is going through. I do not understand all that happens in life but I do choose to keep the faith that God loves me and has prepared a place for those that seek Him and accepts His love and His gift in Jesus.

Life is certainly full of triumphs, joys and trials. How we choose to deal with them is really what makes the difference in the end. Amanda...she is a perfect example of faith. She chose to fight, to keep on loving the Lord even through cancer. And I know that she loved her family so much. My heart breaks for her Daddy, big brother Andrew, little brother Austin and especially for her Momma. I can't even imagine.

Crazy times??? Yeppers...many crazy times lately. Crazy, sad, sorrowful but also celebrating times. We can celebrate a life that was full of joy and celebrate the relationships that we still have on this earth.

Love you so much, Amanda!! Thank you for being a true warrior in the fight against cancer and for showing all of us what is most important in life.

Birthdays, Friends and Life

This has been a month of happenings. My son's birthday was on the 1st, which is the day that I got the news on how bad Amanda was, which just happened to be the day that Kevin Jonas proposed to his girlfriend. (Told you my daughter and I are BIG Jonas fans...LOL). It kind of gets you thinking about the stages of life. In just one day, one person can celebrate a birthday, another person plans his life with the woman he loves and another person is ready for her life to end here on earth. Life just happens, whether you plan it or not.

And speaking of birthdays...today is Amanda's Mom's birthday! Wow, talk about tough. As I sat with Amanda these past few days, there were other birthdays celebrated. A couple of Amanda's friends that her Mom made sure were celebrated. The saying that life goes on is certainly true. Amanda would want that for everyone. I wonder...as she barely hangs onto life...does she really know all that is going on around her? I bet she does! For some reason, her spirit is still with us.

Now friends...I can't believe how many people rally around you and your family in a time like this. Church family, neighborhood friends...the list goes on. As for me, I just want to acknowledge mine that have listened to me vent and cry many times. They have prayed for my family, too. You all know who you are. Just want to say thank you! You all mean alot to me. And some I have never met in person but you still have been there.

Life...it goes on around you no matter what you are going through. One dies, another one celebrates a birthday, another one marries, another one is born, another one is hurting beyond words. All I know is that God is with all of these lives in every stage of life and carries us through all the joys, celebrations and sorrows. So, I guess the moral of the story is to celebrate every breath you take and live your life the way God wants you to. Amanda made an impact on many people in her short life. I think we all need to follow her example.

Our Sweet Amanda

As I am sitting here on the 4th of July morning, wondering if I will get the phone call and also contemplating whether I should head back down to IN to be with family, I thought I would take the time to write about Amanda. As most of you know by now, she is my niece...okay, my great niece but her Mom is just like my sister so that is what I call them. Amanda has been battling osteosarcoma for over 2 years now. She is at this moment losing her battle that she has fought so hard to win. Cancer is hideous and I hate it so much. But the Lord has been with her the whole time and Amanda's faith, along with her family's faith, has grown so much through this ordeal. Our family has been trying to find the good things that have happened. Let me tell you, it is hard to find a positive thing when you see a little girl struggling to find the next breath. I cry alot cause my heart breaks for her. But...here is what I have seen during my visit these past few days (I live 2 hours away from my family).

Her family has found a home church through this ordeal that has been so amazing! They have been friends, prayer warriors and helpers as much as anyone can ask for. I am so thrilled that they have found a "home" now. Church family is so important. Amanda's nurses that have been with Amanda through this have become close and they are as upset as we all are but Amanda's faith and strength has touched them as well. Mr. Lubben, Amanda's former teacher, home tutor and special friend of the family, I could tell how much he loves and cares for Amanda and she has brought a special joy into his life. He has helped the family with many fundraisers and just recently biked to Indianapolis with her big brother as past of cancer research. Amanda's family has lived in their neighborhood since the kids were babies and all the neighbors have rallied around them helping out when they can. Amanda's friends, especially her BF Danielle has stayed with her by her side this whole time. Danielle has even helped to take care of her even these last days on earth. My family...we are devastated that she will not be here to hold and talk with. Many questions go up to God about this. Okay...now come my tears. Sorry...can't hold them back. God knows my tears, my questions, her Mom's sobs as to why her little girl is going through this in the first place. This is where faith comes in. We know that Jesus will be holding her in His arms very soon. What a comfort that is. Even though none of us understand, God somehow brings what we need to us. I don't get how I can feel comfort or how her Mom can find comfort but it is there! The Lord asks us to trust Him and have faith. Wow! He asks for alot. But from past experiences, His love is enough. I don't get it really but it just is. Now, onto Amanda's family...her Mom, Dad and 2 brothers. I see them come a long way in their faith. It has not been wasy for them. But they are ready now to let go and let God work. They are all amazing. These people that I have mentioned have been those that have been touched by a 14 yr old girl with cancer. There are many more, including me. Oh, and did I even mention that she has also touched those that have never even met her? My Team Jonas Moms...friends that have been with me as I have vented, cried and shared this past year with them about Amanda. Yes, I have met them because of the Jonas Brothers and they are special to me. Weird, huh? How God can use people from other states through a Mom's group founded on the internet because of 3 young men that our daughters and their Moms love and support that just happen to share music, values and love of God. Yes, the Jonas Brothers play a part in people's lives that they have no idea about. I thank them for that. Did I say how awesome I think they are? Funny how God can use a 14 yr old girl and some very talented and very popular brothers that don't even know each other to help others.

So, as I sit here still waiting to hear the inevitable news about a beautiful little girl, I somehow feel so much better writing this blog because she has inspired so many through her life and isn't that what life on this earth is really about? Having faith in God and sharing that with others? Oh, and if you would like to hear her full story and struggles and joys of her life, you can visit her site. http://www.carepages.com/carepages/amandamitchell11

Did I say crazy times???

I think I titled this blog so well. There have been many vines lately just getting in the way, which leads to crazy times. I have to say that I am getting so tired of bad news lately. Many family members with health problems. A very busy and stressful couple of weeks at work. I am almost too exhausted to write a blog but maybe it will help. I am really trying to remember that God is in control of everything that happens but I am only human and have many discouraging moments. Like how could God let Amanda get this sick? Why isn't she getting better? And why do I have to work fulltime when I feel that I should be home with my daughter? Why is the economy so bad locally here that many cannot find a job? Why does my back have to hurt so bad? Why can't I even find one pair of pants that fit me because all of my old ones are getting holes in them?? Wow! I guess I MUST be having many discouraging moments lately!! But the one thing I should be asking myself is...why can't I remember that God is in control of all of these and more? Like I said, I am human and I am sure that I am not the only one that forgets about this.

Now, let's talk about this working fulltime thing. In her blog, my niece had admitted that she hates her house. The thing that I hate is working fulltime. I think maybe everyone around me knows this but let me say it again...I HATE working FT!! I try to like it, I am trying so hard to be thankful that I am getting a paycheck and actually have health insurance for my family. But the everyday stuff just totally outweighs those positive things. Like I am tired of being exhausted. I don't have time to go visit my family like I used to. I can't spend as much time with my daughter like I want to. I find it very hard to even make personal phone calls. I hate being the breadwinner. I am more the traditional Mom and I don't like role reversal here. On my days off, noone understands my need to have time for myself. I am selfish that way, I know. And I hate that. Wow, I am using that word more than I should. Hate is a very strong word. The funny part is, I don't hate my job. I actually like being a pharm tech, the people I work with are nice, unless they get stressed like me. I just do not like being away from home so much and not having time to do the important things that I feel need to be done. I can't even cook dinner most of the time. It just stinks. So there, I said it and it is out for everyone to see. I really get envious of other women that get to stay home and take care of kids and a house.

But...yes, I am going somewhere with this...I am trying to re-evaluate my feelings on this issue. It is hard for me because like I said, I believe that a Mom should be the one to take care of the home and men should be out working because that is how I grew up. And besides, it works better that way. But, situtations are different nowdays. Any job that brings in money should be a positive thing, right? And for that, I am thankful for. God brought this job with benefits to me because I was griping about not having health insurance. Course, i didn't think it would be ME that would get it! LOL

As you can tell, I tend to look at things in a very pessimistic way. So, I have to work and work and work hard at finding the good things in life. One of my many downfalls I have. Told you I was human! But that is the key in life. If you are not aware and realize your downfalls and shortcomings, you will never be able or willing to change. So, I am happy that I have a house to come home to, people that love me, even a couple of pants that I can still wear to work and espcially a God who is so much bigger than I am! Oh..okay...I will say it..I am thankful for...gulp...I am thankful for my job because I have money coming in and benefits!! There, I said it. Doesn't mean that I still won't have trouble with not being home or not cooking dinner, though.

My crazy title!

When I started thinking about what I wanted to name my blog, I spent days trying to come up with something fun and unique just for me. I do not think of myself as a creative person but I can take something from a creative person and make it my own. Maybe that is creativity? I don't know but that is what I did with the title. If anyone has ever heard of the Jonas Brothers...okay, who hasn't??...but the name of their new CD coming up in June is called "Lines, Vines and Trying Times". I wasn't fond of it when I first heard it but the more I thought about it in my head, the more it grew on me. It is one of those things where you try to figure out the actual meaning. So, the more I thought about it, the better I liked it and here I am using most of the title but decided to change it to "crazy times" because although I do have lots of trying times, it is all craziness to me. So, here is what this title means for me. Lines...there are many meanings but what I think of are life lines. You know the life lines that are thrown out when you needs lots of help in troubling times. Vines...vines are the things that get in your way and cause trouble. They may look pretty to begin with but as they grow, they get annoying and troublesome and start to take over. And crazy times...well, I have those ALL the time as most people do. This is just how life is, at least for me. Now, I am not sure exactly if this is the meaning that the Jonas Brothers had in mind when they came up with that title for their CD but I am pretty sure it meant something personal to them, too. And please forgive me, guys for somewhat stealing your cool title!

Oh and speaking of the Jonas Brothers...well, they deserve their own blog one of these days. I will explain all of that later. Okay, I am sure everyone is tired of me babbling already. I hope that you all have something like a title to ponder on. It keeps you on your toes and gets your brain juices flowing!

PS...I just "happened" upon this cool background with the vines on it. Gotta love vintage stuff!